Abortion Destroys Lives
10:10 says, "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to
kill, and to destroy and I will prove that abortion does all of that
to every life it touches. I dread writing this piece even though it
is one that is so very important to my heart and that is because my
biggest regret in life, after not committing to Jesus Christ in 6th
grade, is my abortion! Plus on this page I will go into detail about
the abortion procedures used on babies, which I detest even knowing
or hearing about, much less take time to write them out. But it is
important to everyone to know exactly what goes on inside an abortion
clinic and inside a woman's body. My prayer is that my piece will
stop a woman or hopefully many women from having an abortion.
That is so her baby can live but also so that she can live! See, I truly believe that having an abortion is murder of an innocent life and that makes the woman's body a crime scene. The devil is then free to move in with anything bad he wants to put in that place. The Bible talks about how when a person gets a deliverance of a spirit but that area of their soul is not filled with the Holy Spirit, that devil goes out to arid places and not liking it there, takes several of his evil spirit friends and brings them with him back to his former home and how that person is worse off than they were before. (I have paraphrased Luke 11: 24-26) Well, it is no different when a person has a baby that is taking up room in their body/soul and they "get rid of it" and expect that space to stay open and free for themselves. But that will not happen because where there is sin the devil has a legal right to torment that person and he will send one of his own to go and do the job. And an evil spirit will come and take up residence and I believe that spirit will be one of the following and most likely a combination of: death, murder, guilt and even suicide. There have been studies done on women who have had abortions and they have found that those women often become promiscuous, begin to drink heavy, take drugs, get into violent relationships and make other unwise decisions that bring danger into their lives. And danger can bring death. Also great tragedy(ies) can make a person want to commit suicide and having an abortion is a great tragedy on the human soul, whether the person recognizes it on a conscious level or not, they do recognize it on the subconscious level. I can personally attest to this as you will see as you continue to read and I did all of the above except I didn't get addicted to drugs, but I did seek out and do some without the influence of my husband, who was the one who did them prior to my abortion. But what I didn't realize for a long time was that I was trying to kill myself and my weapon of choice was alcohol! Yes, I believe I brought the spirit of death into my soul and life once I committed murder against an innocent baby!
The reasons I had an
abortion were many: I did not want to have children and all I ever wanted was an acting
career in Hollywood and had finally gotten to L.A. to pursue my dream. My husband
had lied to me and told me that he could not get me pregnant due to an
injury he had gotten when he was in the Canadian army and I had believed
him. Shortly after arriving in L.A. and getting my first agent and
into acting class, I found out I was pregnant. I hated what it was
doing to my body looks-wise and I felt nauseas all of the time. I
then saw my husband, who had been totally neglectful to me ever since
we got married and moved to L.A. become very affectionate to me and
in front of other people when he told them I was pregnant. I knew he
had set me up and I figured it was because he wanted to have a child
more than a wife. (That was all I could figure from his behavior and
time did prove my theory right in that he went on to have a handful of children
with two other women after we divorced that he does not spend time
with.) Anyway, I was mad that he had used me, because I felt he married me to get a green
card to live in America, since
he was gone more than he was around, and secondly it seemed he was more interested in the baby than me. I also feared he could be dangerous to the child due to his drug
usage and how violent he would talk sometimes when high, and worse, I hate to say this out-loud, but I
also feared he wanted children so he could sexually abuse them since he himself had been sexually assaulted as a child and I know those things get passed on to where victims become perpetrators. So, armed with all of that, I decided to "take back control of the situation" and
get an abortion. I also had issues from my childhood that I was
afraid of passing onto a child trait-wise so I scheduled the abortion
with Planned Parenthood after talking with them over the phone and
them confirming that at 3 months I was only getting rid of "a
little piece of tissue".
I remember waking up from the abortion
and feeling cold and shivery and shook up and having a nurse holding
my hand and talking sweetly to me. I made it out of there shortly
after and my ride picked me up and took me home. I told my husband
afterward but he didn't say anything one way or the other because he
felt he had no right to tell me what to do with my body but I knew it was something that upset him. He soon after set up a chance for me to tell him whether I wanted to stay in the marriage or not, (rather
than him being the one to end it), and I took the opportunity to tell
him I wanted to separate. He moved out and I filed for divorce about
a year later. I regretted asking him to move out but he never looked
back and I was never able to get back what I lost which was a
marriage and baby. Not that I wanted that bad marriage but I also
didn't want to lose him either. It was a bad time and when I moved
back to my home town from L.A. a couple of years later the guilt of
my abortion plagued me constantly. I will also confess that it took
me many years to also get over my husband emotionally but I did move
on into many relationships, some one night stands, some casual
affairs and some live-in boyfriends but none of them good enough for
me to want to marry again. And my drinking escalated throughout each relationship to where if I had not had my supernatural experience with the Lord at 35 I know I would've wrecked my whole life with alcohol! (please read my testimony page 2 to see what I am talking about.)
So, that is a little background on why I gave myself permission to get an abortion, I felt I had good reasons. I knew way deep down inside (buried deep down) that abortion was wrong but having been a New Ager out in L.A. all of it's teachings had me thinking that guilt was a wrong emotion and that a person should be free to do anything they wanted or needed to do to make their life the way they wanted it. But if you ask me the real reason I had the abortion I would've told you "I want to be a star!". Fame was my biggest goal in life and I would come to find out many, many years later, after becoming a Christian, that fame was my biggest addiction too. I knew shortly after my divorce that I had been addicted to my husband more than it being "true love" and that leaving that relationship was hard enough to do but years later I would learn that kicking "fame" was much, much harder for me! Now I would say, with my hind-sight vision, that my poor baby didn't stand a chance at life because of how strong my addiction was to the idea of being famous! That is a sad and embarrassing fact to admit to, but I want the truth out there because we are now living in the internet age where I am seeing so many young people, who don't even move to Hollywood, do things online because they want to be famous too and I fear for their lives!
I also fear for the lives of women who have had an abortion and especially for those who have had more than one! That is because I know how much I have had to pray to get free from the spirit of death that has tried to take my life in different ways over the years. It has been touch and go sometimes with me just barely getting through a test and trial and only by the grace of God because He is not yet through with me down here on earth. I did have one Christian friend on Facebook who private messaged me one time and she told me she had had a couple of abortions in her past and she also, like me, suffered many attacks from the enemy. As I write this piece right now I am in a huge test and trial with my health and I can't get free from the problem because the medicines weaken my immune system so much that I seem to take steps backwards in trying to get better. But God has been showing me this test came on me because I had been doing pro-life silent protesting in front of an abortion clinic and the devil had legal right to attack me because I had not repented of every attitude of the heart that led to my abortion. Not that God expects me to turn back time and undo what I did, no He has forgiven me, but sin has consequences and we need to spend time repenting to God for every bit of our sinful nature that led up to evil acts in order for Him to be able to free us from the grip of the enemy. The devil has a legal right to attack us in the same way he succeeded earlier and if we don't pray to God for help, we will commit the same sin(s) over and over again. God has recently used an innocent kitten to help me learn some of my lessons so that I didn't continue to be greedy in my heart like I was when I chose the abortion. I will explain that a bit later but let me explain why I say "greedy heart".
chose fame and my acting career over the life of my baby I was being
greedy. God revealed to me that I not only killed my baby, I stole
it's life from it, so that I could have more of life for myself. (ie:
In not having to take care of it, I gained the time I needed to pursue
all of my wants.) The verse John 10:10 says the thief comes to
steal, kill and destroy. And so I needed to admit to God that on top
of being a murderer, I was also a thief, and that I needed
forgiveness for both sins. And of course my murder of my child
destroyed it, but also it destroyed part of my husband's soul as well as my own, (not to
mention I stole the opportunity away from my family to have a
relationship with the child and anyone else the child's life would've
touched), so I needed to admit that I was a destroyer too. So, I had
to face the fact that I had acted like "the daughter of the
devil" and not the daughter of God when I had my abortion. I mean it was serious what I did! And it needs to be framed as such or I am not fully repenting of my former hard-heartedness in the matter!
Now I will tell you about how God used a small kitten to teach me about my nature to be hard-hearted about babies . . . still!. In trying to rescue a small kitten from traffic I ended up with it but I didn't want it because of practical reasons, (I already have enough cats to feed with my own and the 20 strays I feed, plus it drove my kitties crazy it was so overly rambunctious and I feared it was going to make my kitties sick because it looked like it might have ring worm and also it developed an upper respiratory issue that could spread to my healthy cats) but more because it was an inconvenience and I did not choose it, it chose me, or should I say it's needs suddenly took over my life! (Kind of how an unexpectant pregnancy can do to someone!) It was super sweet but the fact that I did not want another cat and this one is not so cute, (it's kind of albino looking) I really resented it in my home! But I knew God brought the kitten because just prior to it running into my path at a Walmart parking lot on a late night, I had asked God to take control of my weekend, which I try to frequently do so I can get some ministry work done. So, armed with that knowledge, I have been trying to make it work with this kitten but all of my old feelings started to surface about how I could "just get rid of it by having it euthanized at the Humane Society". I had had to do that in the past with strays who were not going to make it, some kittens, some adults, but those were feral and this one had a chance in my home because of how socialized it was, but still I wrestled terribly with the desire to just "get rid of it" so I could have my home back the way I wanted it! The devil was really pushing old buttons in me! So God began to show me my weakness to love something that I didn't specifically pick out (which shows I am just as controlling as I was back when I found myself pregnant), and how shallow I was to judge the kitten on his looks! (This is something God has been showing me lately with child sponsorships too, He has admonished me to not pick out the cutest children but to feel with the heart their value and need for help.) Also God reminded me that I have always had self-hatred tendencies because I felt I was an ugly child and I blamed my ugliness on why I felt unloved a lot. (Actually the reason was I came along 1 year and 1 month after my mom gave birth to my older sister and she didn't want another baby so soon.) God let me know that if I wanted to stop this type of thinking about myself and to learn to love others, I needed to look at the insides - and this kitten has plenty of good on his insides! God helped me to see that I would need to learn to ask Him for the love and patience this kitten required and I realized that is what I should have done with my baby back when I was married - trust God that He could've helped me with the pregnancy each step of the way and with all of the other situations I feared would or could transpire in the baby's life. See, the
rest of the verse in John 10:10 says, "I am come that they might
have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." The
verse is a quote from Jesus telling people that the devil brings
death but He brings life! So, before I could write this page I first needed to sit with the very heavy
condemnation about how evil I had acted in committing the abortion back then and that it is still my tendency to get myself out of unwanted situations like that so that I could receive a real thorough forgiveness from God and to
get free from the devil's hold on me. I needed to see and repent of my greedy nature! Why this was especially necessary is because I cannot be a light to others about how evil abortion is if I have not thoroughly repented and that is because the devil will call you out as a liar and attack with legal ground to do so. God will allow the attack because he doesn't want any of his children to be insincere, in the least, in their ministry efforts. There is a saying "what the devil means for bad,
God means for good". And so this test and trial I am currently
in with my health is something the devil means to destroy me with
because he has legal grounds to do so based on my past sin of destroying my
baby's life (even though it is forgiven, there are still consequences), and God is allowing it because He is getting me to dig
deeper into my sin nature and face it and repent for it. The outcome
will be that I will be washed more thoroughly by Jesus' forgiveness
that He offers when we take things to the Cross in repentance and will be a more solidly grounded witness for the truth. Think of it this way, a tree with short roots can be pushed over but the deeper the roots the stronger the tree! (And by the way, the kitten didn't have ring worm, didn't spread his upper respiratory infection and got over it nicely and now that he's fixed he is much calmer so my kitties don't mind him so much now and even play with him some! PTL! It just took 3 months of asking for patience and love to allow him into our lives!)
Did you know the Pharisees killed Jesus for the same greed that I killed my baby? It says in John 11:48, (which time-wise was just after Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead and the Pharisees were meeting to find a way to stop people from believing in Jesus): "If we let him go on like this, everyone will believe in him, and then the Romans will come and take away both our temple and our nation.” Did you see that? The Pharisees were afraid of having their temple and territory taken away from them because the Romans were the authority over that land where they lived and they didn't want to upset the Romans so as to lose everything they had there.. So, they were being greedy! They were willing to go against God by killing Jesus in order to have the things they wanted here in this life! Well there is nothing worse than being like a Pharisee, (Jesus called them a brood of vipers!), because Jesus spoke very harshly to the Pharisees during his lifetime, but to no other person(s) did Jesus yell at. He did that because He knew they were destroying people's lives with their false worship of God and also because He knew that to reach men with such hard hearts He would have to use very cutting words. (There were some Pharisees that became believers in Jesus but that was the exceptional rarity.) The Pharisees that chose their lifestyle down here, over God's chosen Son, were the main instigators in Jesus' murder. Yes, the Romans performed the crucifixion but it was because the Pharisees demanded they kill him and incited the Jewish crowd to call for Jesus' death! So, to have a heart like a Pharisee is a very dangerous thing and there are some people who are professed Christians who have hard hearts like a Pharisee! I confess mine was getting that way after a few years of tests and trials as a Christian and being whoo'ed by the things of this world. I believe God brought my health trial because I was ignoring my hard heart. Not fully ignoring it, but I wasn't seeking Him fully in why I had it, and I knew I had it too, I had felt angry at God for a series of things that didn't go my way and I could tell I didn't love to hear the name Jesus anymore, so that is serious and God will bring a test and trial to reawaken the spiritual things in a person - and trust me trials do work! (It is possible to be in a ministry for God and yet have a hard heart, which is a heart that has forgotten how much Jesus has saved you from!)
I once heard Ravi Zacharias say that Muslims or Hindus who come to Christ (become believers) often struggle very greatly in their walk with the Lord and that is because Islam and Hinduism are religions very steeped in occultic powers and the devil fights that believer every step of the way. I too have struggled in my Christian walk and I know it is because of my past New Age experiences (because the New Age is the occult), but I will also tell you I have suffered because of my abortion's occultic roots! Yes, abortion is of the occult. Let's look at some Bible verses that explain how destroying one's child is something that was done to appease false gods and something God hated!
2 Kings 17:17-18 - And they caused their sons and their daughters to pass through the fire, and used divination and enchantments, and sold themselves to do evil in the sight of the LORD, to provoke him to anger.
Psalms 106:37-38 - Yea, they sacrificed their sons and their daughters unto devils
Jeremiah 7:31 - And they have built the high places of Tophet, which [is] in the valley of the son of Hinnom, to burn their sons and their daughters in the fire; which I commanded [them] not, neither came it into my heart.
Ezekiel 16:36-38 - Thus saith the Lord GOD; Because thy filthiness was poured out, and thy nakedness discovered through thy whoredoms with thy lovers, and with all the idols of thy abominations, and by the blood of thy children, which thou didst give unto them
Leviticus 18:21 - And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through [the fire] to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I [am] the LORD.
Deuteronomy 12:31 - Thou shalt not do so unto the LORD thy God: for every abomination to the LORD, which he hateth, have they done unto their gods; for even their sons and their daughters they have burnt in the fire to their gods.
Now let's look at some verses that show how God feels about babies and children:
Jeremiah 1:5 - Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, [and] I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.
Psalms 127:3 - Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward.
Mark 10:14 - But when Jesus saw [it], he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer (allow) the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.
Proverbs 17:6 - Children's children [are] the crown of old men; and the glory of children [are] their fathers.
Matthew 18:1-6: At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them. And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whosoever shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whosoever shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and (that) he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
Here is some commentary on some other Bible verses that one would use to prove that God is "pro-life" taken from this website: http://www.biblebelievers.com/Stocker1.html (please copy and drop into the URL if clicking on it doesn't work)
The first passage to be sited is Job 10:18, "Wherefore then hast thou brought me f orth out of the womb? Oh that I had given up the ghost, and no eye had seen me. " This passage shows without a doubt that Job believed he had a spirit inside the womb. This proves that the unborn child is alive. Since "the body without the spirit is dead, "' then the spirit is essential to life. The unborn child has a spirit so he has life. What kind of life? Human life, that's easy. If it was a dog, it would be dog's life, since it is a human we are discussing, it would be human life.
This also refutes the idea that a person has to breath air before he can have his spirit given to him. Those examples which seem to indicate this are from Genesis 2 and Ezekiel 37, there are also some in Psalms but these are the main two. In all of these cases, it is talking about a grown man or animal. Never is the breath of life spoken of when speaking of the birth of a baby. The argument may be given, that Job was in distress and was just running off at the mouth," this is unjustified, especially when other passages are used by him as the truth. Job 10:18 is irrefutable proof that an unborn child has a spirit.
The next passage to be examined will be Judges 13:1-7. In essence we see that Manoah's wife is told not to drink wine or strong drink because the child she was carrying in her womb was a Nazarite. The law applied to the unborn child in this case. The unborn child obviously is alive or it would not be required to keep the law.
The next passage is in the New Testament, Luke 1:44, "For lo, as soon as the voice of thy salutation sounded in mine ears, the babe leaped in my womb for joy." This is Elizabeth speaking under the inspiration of the Holy Ghost' and gives a human attribute to the child in her womb, John the Baptist. Some may say that he is an unusual case, however he is at least borni That's at least a great deal better than the full grown man in Genesis 2 or Ezekiel 37, isn't it?
The next passage is in Acts 20:28, which shows that Jesus' blood is God's blood. Since the life of the flesh is in the blood, then Jesus was alive when He had God's blood in Him. When was this? As we will see when we study the chapter on biology, it is while He was still in the womb of Mary. Jesus was alive in His physical body before He was actually born. He received that blood at conception.
The next passage is in Genesis 35:16-26. This passage deals with Jacob and his wives going to Ephrath from Bethel after they had left Padanaram. The statement in verse 26 says they were all born in Padanaram. But if you will notice one of them was obviously born after they left and were between Ephrath and Bethel, that one was- Benjamin. Why would the writer of Genesis make such an obvious "mistake"? If the time element is looked into, you can see that Benjamin was conceived in Padanaram but literally born in the promised land. This shows what God thinks of the place to start counting a life. (It is also interesting to note, when I was in Korea, they started a child out at one year old when he was borni) So, again we can see that God considered the boy, Benjamin, to be alive while still in the womb of his mother.
I invite you to visit that website and read some of the other points the author makes on why life begins at conception rather than what abortionists say "at first breath". I personally wonder why abortionists base it on "first breath outside of the womb" when the lungs of a baby begin to develop at just 7 weeks! Did God wait to have the lungs develop right at the last minute before delivery at 9 months? No, He had them develop at the early stages because He intended them to be used once the baby was carried full term. And if a baby is born at 7 months, prematurely, his or her lungs are ready to function then as well!
Let's take a look at some pictures of fetal development from
I cry when I see the baby picture at 10 weeks because I was about 3 months pregnant when I had my abortion and the picture of that fetus is so adorable! I cannot believe I killed something so adorable, sweet and innocent! My revenge on my husband certainly has backfired on me - I will always grieve the loss of my baby and I will never know the joy of having a child in this life, as I never did get pregnant again!
If you want to get born again in Christ Jesus, please take this time now to talk to God. You can say something like this: God I know I am a sinner and I need a Savior and I believe Jesus Christ is the promised Messiah. I believe Jesus Christ was born of a virgin mother, conceived by the Holy Spirit, and that He lived a sinless life because He was God in the flesh, and that He was crucified as the once for all sacrifice for mankind's sins. I believe he was buried and rose from the grave and was witnessed alive before ascending to heaven where He now sits on the throne as King of Kings. I repent of my sins and accept Jesus' gift of salvation today and I ask Him to be my Savior and Lord. I ask the Holy Spirit to come and make a dwelling in my heart and to lead me into all righteousness. Thank you God for hearing my prayer and for sending your Son to save me by dying in my place at the Cross so I can be in the family of God. And Father, I understand that while I am saved by my confession of faith, it is also Your will for me to get water baptized to show my private confession in a public way, and so I ask you to lead me to the church or baptismal situation you have for me so I can get baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen!